If you can afford I would get professional help. This is not something I have experience with personally but I've often heard of people not being able to process certain emotions so I would assume its somewhat common. A decent therapist would likely have a good understanding of how to help you navigate this.
If you can't afford that then talking about on lemmy or elsewhere probably wouldn't hurt. Even if we can't offer much advice I figure writing it out like that could probably help you process your feelings on some level
If you can afford I would get professional help. This is not something I have experience with personally but I've often heard of people not being able to process certain emotions so I would assume its somewhat common. A decent therapist would likely have a good understanding of how to help you navigate this.
If you can't afford that then talking about on lemmy or elsewhere probably wouldn't hurt. Even if we can't offer much advice I figure writing it out like that could probably help you process your feelings on some level