this post was submitted on 23 Dec 2025
227 points (98.3% liked)

Not The Onion

19015 readers
1245 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

The move comes amid outcry from Democrats after the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts affixed Trump's name to its sign in Washington.

Donald Trump’s name is being attached to a new class of U.S. battleships that will have nuclear capabilities.

Making the announcement at an event at Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate in Florida, Navy Secretary John Phelan referred to the warships as “Trump-class battleships" and said a forthcoming vessel dubbed the USS Defiant will be “the largest, deadliest and most versatile and best-looking warship anywhere on the world’s oceans.”

Trump’s eponymous battleships will be armed with guns and missiles, as well as hypersonic weapons, electronic rail guns and high-powered lasers.

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] FoxyFerengi@startrek.website 48 points 1 day ago (1 children)

As a trekkie, I'm extra offended that he's tainting the name USS Defiant

[–] Technus@lemmy.zip 21 points 1 day ago

It was probably planned as the Defiant class but the Dorito Dictator isn't going to be happy until he's named every single thing after himself.

[–] Mk23simp@lemmy.blahaj.zone 32 points 1 day ago

Kinda funny that it's a battleship of all things. Really shows you the sort of brainless nostalgia that's running things. The end of this gerontocracy can't come soon enough.

[–] roguetrick@lemmy.world 31 points 1 day ago (1 children)

US already doesn't have the shipbuilding capacity to lay down the hulls we've already got planned for years, but yeah go on.

[–] felixwhynot@lemmy.world 11 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Yeah I’m not an expert but I don’t think US really needs these?

[–] jj4211@lemmy.world 13 points 1 day ago

Not only didn't need them. They are considered a tactical liability.

For the resources to build a battleship, they o could build a couple of cruisers. In aggregate those would be more flexible, have better survivability, and have more offensive capability

It is a stupid bloated vessel for the sake of some twisted sense of superficial extravagant while in truth being a subpar waste of a bunch of people's money. So I guess maybe it is worthy of being named Trump class.

[–] decipher_jeanne@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 23 hours ago* (last edited 22 hours ago) (1 children)

So basically it's the opposite of what the navy need. The navy has needed a cheaper more numerous hull to complement the Burke class. Something that they have failed with the LCS program and the recently canceled Constellation.

The Trump class is so large they might have to be built into the same dockyard as carriers. I don't know if Bath iron works can accommodate ships that large. So it would have to be Newport News Shipbuilding or Ingalls Shipbuilding, both of which are already very busy.

It also means that the dockyard for smaller ships still don't have any work and some of them could eventually shutdown from bankruptcy, further reducing the number of dockyard and production facilities for the navy.

Edit: I am also going to add, since we have the design for the FF(X) ship that is going to replace the cancelled Constellation class. The FF(X) if it's built as planned is significantly worse than Constellation and will not fill the role that the navy needs. But it's probably a nice bit of money for Ingalls Industries.

[–] felixwhynot@lemmy.world 2 points 4 hours ago

That is honestly upsetting to read 😕 get it together Navy!

[–] kent_eh@lemmy.ca 1 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

The US doesn't need any of Trump's fucked up vanity projects, but they seem content to allow him to do it anyway.

[–] felixwhynot@lemmy.world 1 points 4 hours ago

I’m hoping this one gets scrapped before it hits the water

[–] NatakuNox@lemmy.world 29 points 1 day ago (2 children)

It'll never get made. We have heard enough time filling the destroyer and submarine orders the navy ordered 20 years ago. Those and drones are where sea warfare is going. Battle ships are billionaire dollar targets that can be taken out my a $5 million dollar missile. As Russia about how they were forced to ancher or remove their fleets around Ukraine. All by stuff you can buy at home depot. Modern warfare made battleships obsolete around 1947.

[–] roguetrick@lemmy.world 11 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Even beyond the basic drydock capacity we straight up don't produce enough steel for this anymore. Even the US military industrial complex is a hollow shell.

[–] Zahille7@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago

I guess that's one thing to be optimistic about

[–] fluffykittycat@slrpnk.net 5 points 19 hours ago

It's basically a money laundering operation that kills children on the side

[–] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

They new FFX frigates are supposed to be glorified drone controllers/motherships. Makes sense. dispersed force is the future.

[–] NatakuNox@lemmy.world 9 points 23 hours ago

Yup. You don't even need to damage or sink capital ships anymore. Just the threat alone keeps them out of fighting. When a guy with c4 and a dingy can knock your $20 billion dollar aircraft carrier out of the fight for even an hour, ist catastrophic.

[–] Typhoon@lemmy.ca 28 points 1 day ago

Trump-class battleships

Slow, bloated, lacking any intelligence capability, staffed by only straight white christian men, mysteriously costs 10x what it should, has a pedophile ballroom, and is painted orange for some reason.

[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 25 points 1 day ago

I hope all of this frantically naming shit after himself is because he was recently told he's about to die

[–] RedGreenBlue@lemmy.zip 23 points 1 day ago

Traitor class

[–] wewbull@feddit.uk 22 points 1 day ago

Whoever is next is going to be busy enough in their first term just taking Trumps name off things.

[–] Damage@feddit.it 17 points 1 day ago

USS Epstein, Trump-class battleshit

[–] SomeRandomNoob@discuss.tchncs.de 14 points 20 hours ago

It will be orange and the ships systems will constantly lie to you!

[–] D_C@sh.itjust.works 13 points 1 day ago (1 children)

This thing knows he is dying and knows his name will be known for so very many bad things...but it still wants to be remembered.

The orange buffoon wants to 'muddy the waters' of his shitty legacy by trying to erase his desires of raping women and kids and thinks by naming everything he can after himself people will forget what he's done.

The thing thinks that in the future the word tRUMP will be synonymous with battle ships and art centres. The obese kiddie fiddler wants to be remembered like Kennedy is remembered...but decent people and decent countries will only remember him as Epstein's rape buddy. A racist, fascist, child fucking convicted rapist.

knows his name will be known for so very many bad things

He absolutely does not.

He literally thinks he's perfect and that his shit doesn't stink. He is a narcissist.

That's why he wants his name on a fucking battleship because it's "strong" like him.

[–] CountVlad47@feddit.org 12 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

best-looking warship anywhere on the world’s oceans.

The enemy are going to be so stunned by it's beauty they won't shoot at it!

[–] Prior_Industry@lemmy.world 12 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Trumpy Mc Trumpface

[–] melsaskca@lemmy.ca 10 points 1 day ago

Bridge players all over the world now call the trump suit the "Lincoln" suit. Got any three's? Go bridge!

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 9 points 20 hours ago

I've seen new architect kids and draftsmen make better renderings 15 years ago.

[–] Fedizen@lemmy.world 8 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

"US navy Molester Class Trumpliners"

[–] Thedogdrinkscoffee@lemmy.ca 3 points 19 hours ago

Pedophile class destroyer named the USS Child Rapist.

[–] ameancow@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Trump’s eponymous battleships will be armed with guns and missiles, as well as hypersonic weapons, electronic rail guns and high-powered lasers.

The lack of robots and sharks makes me worry he might be losing his touch entirely.

[–] baguette@piefed.social 1 points 13 hours ago

Not even magnets... 🙂‍↔️

[–] Treczoks@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago

If it is like all other projects of this administration, it will do a Wasa on them at launch.

[–] 20cello@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago

Gladly introducing the taco fleet

[–] Rozauhtuno@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] umbraroze@slrpnk.net 11 points 1 day ago

Gustav Adolf: "All right, who's responsible? I'll have them beheaded for this!"
[Sees his own signature on the blueprints]
"Uh, um, I guess this was actually no one's fault, when you really think about it"

Yeah, that sounds like something Trump would do.

Only thing is, nobody would want to raise this wreck. It'd immediately get raided by a crack team of North Korean gold thief divers.

[–] Chivera@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago

USS Bone Spurs

[–] omega_x3@lemmy.world 6 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

Just imagine how bad all the gold plating will look being constantly exposed to salt water.

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 3 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

Gold doesn't corrode, might be the best idea yet!

[–] aim_at_me@lemmy.nz 5 points 19 hours ago

Except when it does start corroding, we'll know its not real gold.

[–] KraeuterRoy@feddit.org 6 points 1 day ago

Finally! The troops surely are clamoring for a Dinghy that's spray painted gold!

[–] XTL@sopuli.xyz 5 points 1 day ago

Basic dictator.

Maaan if I was president I would name it the Nautilus class or something cool like that. I mean, after fixing the nonsense this bozo did first.

[–] Bot@sub.community 4 points 23 hours ago

So, how big is the Trump’s deck

[–] TigerAce@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 4 hours ago

What they, and most other countries need, is much more smaller ships.

The reason there are no battleships produced since 1944 is because they suck. It's a lot of firepower on a single platform. 1 modern torpedo and everything is a coral reef. Battleships were to be on the line of the battle, the naming comes from ship of the line. But these days we don't have line battles anymore. We have long range missiles. So it's basically a slow platform with a loss of most of your firepower if it sinks. And it will sink, when 500 cheap drones will easily saturate it's defense capabilities.

They want to add a railgun. Any idea how much energy that takes? It needs to be nuclear powered, otherwise the entire shill will be defenseless for a long time after each shot, as it needs to refill it's batteries since a shot depletes the entire ship. But ok, nuclear powered you say, the US can do that. Ok, great, now you have a weapon which can fire... so fast, the curvature of the earth and gravity have too little influence on the projectile, so over the horizon targeting doesn't work, only line of sight. Again, ships these days aren't supposed to be in line of sight range when fighting, we have long range missiles. So a railgun is useless. They found out during the Zumwalt disaster.

Clearly they used AI to render this ship. Look at the helicopter platform. It will be mostly unservicable with a seastate above 3 which is most of the time. The entire deck will constantly be washed over, no helo can land or takeoff from that. Next to that not all surfaces are angled, creating a huge radar cross section. Easy target.

So this isn't a serious combat platform, this is a micropenis compensation project. Why else would it be named after the senile dictator? Hitler wanted 2 battleships too, they both sank (one without seeing battle once). Those resources would have been much better spent on much more U-boten.

Navies want bigger ships with more capabilities, but the actual need these days is small specialized escorts ships. Small, fast ships able to escorts the high value larger platforms for defense in depth all combined with a wide spread insane amount of firepower. Some ASW, some AAW, some ASuW, but not everything at once. A single loss shouldn't be decisive to the eventual battle outcome. Strength in numbers. But tell that to a crooked pedo dictator with a micropenis.

[–] JoeBigelow@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 day ago

Here we go Zuhmwalting again