I am holding out for a lament configuration.
this post was submitted on 13 Nov 2025
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Fun fact about that cube
If you connect the centers of all faces with edges, you get a tetrahedron
And if you solve it you will be shown such sights, and your suffering will be legendary.
I still would not be able to resist the compulsion to solve it.
I bet it’s really satisfying to solve right up until it isn’t.
“It is not hands that summon us, it is desire.”
If you have no wish to summon the cenobites, it might be no more dangerous than a Rubik’s cube, but there’s probably some horrible catch where even if you’re 99.99999% sure you want nothing to do with ‘em they can probably still pull out some hellish unfathomably small print legalese on you.
Isn't it that desire what drives one to solve it though? I think you can only solve it if you have that desire
Nah, in Hellraiser 2 a mental patient at a mental ward who happened to be good at puzzles was forced to open the box and the centobutes recognized that she had no idea what she was doing beyond executing the dry movements of the Lament. She didn’t have any desire to explore the realms beyond earthly pleasure and sensation in dimensions far past human comprehension beyond not wanting to get in trouble with her captors. It’s not raw desire for just any ol’ thing. the cenobites seek out, it’s a particular desire.
In modern times, the kids would probably be having meet ups and tournaments for speed cubing with this puzzle box, and there’d be YouTube channels dedicated to algos and strats and the poor cenbites would be worked to the bone if they didn’t have those mental filters in place.
If Hellraiser wants to go meta in a future instalment, they can steal this idea. Have the cenobites be forced to industrialize their system, with puzzle boxes constantly being opened and the cenobites having to vet the openers at such a rapid pace that they need to work in shifts…
A tired and weary cenobite arrives back to his home after a long day of false positives. His partner asks him, “no hits today honey?”
“Not a one. There was one that I thought had potential but her desire was a new PR and not a consciousness-rending excursion to the outer realms of earthly sensation. Story of my life.”
“You’ll land one soon, dear. There’s someone out there right now, some world weary hedonist who’s exhausted his options for earthly pleasures and just received his own puzzle box and is going to hit up some YouTube tutorials, hon, I just know it. You’ll see.”
“I sure hope so, babe. Leviathan has been dragging us the last few weeks, and usually they’re pretty chill but I think the higher dimensional beings upstairs are looking at the quarterlies….”
“We’ll pull through dear. Remember that last big account? The billionaire?”
“That guy… yeah his suffering was legendary. That was honestly my best work in years. Wrecked Rectum of the Year candidate, remember?”
“I remember.”
“Glorious…. Such agony… anyways, we should get dinner started yes?”
I've not seen the second one so that'll explain why i didn't know about that
Your idea for a new movie is both terrible and yet probably still better than the worst films in the series.
Perhaps it would work better as a series like The Office, although the Australian version was already set in Hell and it didn’t do so great, so maybe it’s best just to leave it on the shelf. The thought of seeing the office dimwit cenobite spilling a vat of chili made from human entrails would be a sight to see though.
This or some spinoff of The Good Place could work with this concept pretty well. I just don't want to give the marketing ghouls any more notions of how to ruin Hellraiser.
Great comment, thanks for the delightful absurdism!
You’re reminding me I need to rewatch Hellraiser. Such a great movie.
The first few were good and I rewatched the first two relatively recently. They dropped off pretty hard starting with 3 though yeah? I haven’t watched the reboot but really should do so, but I don’t know if I can stand to watch one without Doug Bradley.
the reboot really is that. the rules are totally different, so you have to come at it as a completely different experience.
it's neat if i'm being generous, but really can't compete with the original.
I remember while watching the reboot thinking, this would have been better as a sequel with new Cenobites, but the same lore. In a franchise that has so many sequels there is no reason to reboot. Changing the lore is not going to endear any old fans to the franchise and it is not going to pull in new fans.
i can only imagine they wanted to explore new ideas and angles and didn't want to retread. which is fine as far as it goes.
Yep. They were pretty great until someone decided to dig deep into "lore".
An octahedron
Reminds me of The Moment from Dr. Who. Suppose it probably took a bit of inspiration from Hellraiser.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who pictured this cube.
This one seems like it could be a vinyl sticker.
Welp, that was fast.
... hopefully, it will not stab anyone.
This time.
Its ok. The corners are sanded down /s
Just make sure it's never dark.
i hope it comes with a tiny voice line generator so it can silently judge me while i play bad games.
It should have LEDs, so it can blush when playing pervy games.
I mean it does have a LED strip at the bottom, I am sure you might be able to mod it and use that header.
Aperture Science Entertainment Cube
^*may ^include ^trace ^amounts ^of ^asbestos
According to the lore, it may even contain the remains of aperature employees.
Shut up and take my money!
It will be the clearest indicator possible that Valve doesn't need more money, if they don't sell this as a special edition.
I don't need it... I don't need it... I don't need it...
But.......
I want my cube to be the puzzle box from the original hellraiser movie.
smash it or get it out of my house
To the incinerator room?
That image looks very AI generated.
But that doesn't mean I don't want the fucking thing.
How so, i dont see any of the tell tale signs, the geometry is consistent, the shapes on the companion cube are accurate, everything is either curved or a straight edge, shadows make sense, and it doesnt have that glossy polished ai art style a lot of public models have. Plus is has the button and removable front plate we saw with the stock steam machine 2 in the right places, am i missing something
It looks like they merged the original picture with a companion cube image.
Some suspicious things are the openings for the USB ports which are way too narrow to plug anything into, the extremely fast timeframe in which this image was produced, the angle of the box which matches 100% with the original picture, and there only being 1 low quality picture of it. Almost all of this points towards an AI image merge, which also explains why the openings, edges, button and shadows would be close to perfect.
Keep in mind that I'm not saying they will not produce this. But let's also not let our love for this thing cloud objective reasoning.
It looks like concept art, but I dunno about AI