The Onion

(Washington DC) As the longest shut down in US history continues, democratic lawmakers are beginning to express concern - and drop their demands - as the FAA has issued new guidance that private jet traffic may halt in busy airports across the country.

“We never expected this kind of suffering,” said one democratic Senator off the record. “We knew there would be pain, but after this, how are we going to go back to our constituents and tell them they can’t fly to Boca any time they want to. I’m getting angry calls every hour… and on the real phone, not the public one.”

“My office has a line of people’s staff waiting to complain,” said another. “Do we expect them to fly commercial? What if they get raped in first class?”

These concerns are driving democrats to concede, having left millions working without pay, and even more Americans without food, for no gain. “It makes you think,” said one House democrat. “I’ve also been here on a forced break, getting paid $6,600 a pay period while we wait, but what if I wasn’t? I feel solidarity with everyone struggling right now, and I’m sure I’ll tip my pilot a little something extra on my return to DC.”

Not all Americans are excited about the concession. Leo Sturbgetter, an unemployed cow detangler from Oregon, wishes the shut down would continue. “There are a lot of private jets near Portland, I was hoping to live in one for a while with the shut down. At least I won a few bucks guessing when the democrats would buckle.”