This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.
Be warned:
If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.
Anyone who is going through this, you have to try. You have to put effort into yourself and get used to rejection. It’s not fun but if it’s important to you then it’s important to show up.
I didn’t have my first kiss until 26. I have a wife and two kids. Just so you don’t think it was easy for me.
Can’t.
I spent my whole life being told to not be a creep, don’t just go up to women they don’t want random men approaching them, they’re at the club for a good time with friends, etc.
So that only leaves online dating and I’m not a 10/10 so never get a match.
My advice is to get off the internet and get involved with your community. Go to social events, not with the intent of finding somebody to date but with the intent of making friends and connections. Show up as yourself, don't try to be somebody you aren't in an attempt to impress, that'll only mislead people.
Our society treats dating like job interviews, you get an hour tops to make a good impression on a total stranger. It works for some people who are naturally attractive whether it's their looks or charisma and because that works for those people other people try to emulate that and get frustrated that it doesn't work for them. Even if it does, that attraction is often superficial because it's based on a false version of themselves.
In my experience it's much easier for attraction to grow naturally between people who interact regularly and is more likely to last when those people are showing up as themselves from the beginning.
So that only leaves online dating and I’m not a 10/10 so never get a match.
Bullshit. That's just toxic internet culture talking. You may have to put some effort in your profile, but it worked for me and I'm a 6 at best.
From my experience online dating (as a man) is a complete waste of time. In about one year I got like 10 matches at Max and half of those didnt even had any form of somewhat decent communication.
I did put quite some effort into my profile but it didnt help anything.
Now since I switched sides I have gotten more likes in a single week than I got in a whole year just because I switched from male to female. I Am pre everything, so I dont even look remotely feminine and most of my pictures are kinda ass, but I dont really bother to make some good ones.
From my experience online dating as a man is either hit or miss. A friend of mine had luck with it several times, but at least for me online dating was the biggest waste of time of my life.
Been doing it for a few months now and no matches. Rejected 4 times in real life. Also, because of other preconditions my capacity for social interaction is very limited.
I hate when people say "just put in some effort". I'm doing it, I'm giving it all I have but I did so for about 10 years now and I got nothing. I don't hate the people that rejected me but this can't be normal, and I'm not the only one.
I'm happy for people where it works out but I feel immense pain knowing I'm back to square one for the 4th time. And let's not kid ourselves, 10 years going by doesn't exactly make me more attractive.
How do you even know you are 6 at best?
Dating sites have the data on this. Women on dating apps rate 80% of men below average. Men rate 50% of women below average. It's not just a talking point.
I find it hard to find people though. I do my regular activity and hobbies and go about my life, I make friends but they're mostly guys. I'm also not the type to ask every cute girl out. Idk, I still got one more year at school so maybe something will happen
It sucks even when you don't have any inherent issues; but imagine trying to find a relationship with BPD and you constently self-sabotage yourself because your stupid broken brain says that you're a fool for believing anyone gives a single shit about you.
> Works
> Goes home
> Masturbates
> Sleeps
> Works
Why am I single?
Don't forget watch Andrew tate and Joe rogan all night.
"Why are women disgusted by me?"
If you're suggestion is that lonely people are all dickheads... then you, sir, are a cad
Someone who is hardworking and disciplined enough to keep the same shitty job for ten years could easily make a partner happy and get satisfaction from a relationship. Too many people look at what other people have and let it make them feel hopeless when they should be looking at what they have themselves and let it make them feel empowered.
We’ve lost our “village”, those third spaces that provided extended family and friends networks. American “self-reliance” has generated a separated society that has stripped a lot of the support and social network we used to have in favor of a job, a home separate from extended family, and a standalone family unit on their own against the world. Too hard to meet new people, too few clubs, too little money to get into a lot of hobbies, too little free time to spend it on anything other than rest and trying to stay sane.
Ironically, it's social networks that helped kill our social networks.
i mean in 10 years you've moved up from server to server, maybe focus on that first? you shouldn't be hanging around in a low level job for any longer than you need to (unless you enjoy it then serve people till your hearts content)
I don't know if you know this. but no one is promoting people to higher positions. at all. it could take decades to go from server to idk, shift manager? and often, it comes with no pay increase and less opportunities for tips. There is no forward progress labor has faced stagnate wages for decades. Also, the single most accurate metric to find out how you'll be doing in life, is your parents zip code when you were born. so merit isn't the thing that gets you moving along in life. in all likelihood the guy with the girlfriend, wife, kid, is making the same money his parents were making.
no one is promoting people to higher positions. at all.
Then your only job outside of serving is to skill up and go find a job elsewhere even if it's in another category of work
No matter how much you insist we live in a merit based society, we do not. Again. This is still true, the most accurate way to determine your income as an adult is your parents zip code when you're born. That's not merit. That stagnation. That's the reality we live in. Don't agree with me? Talk to the several successful people who will tell you, they got where they are either because their parents had connections, or they got Lucky and after getting lucky they happened to also be skilled. But the luck is still what got them there. It doesn't matter how good you are. If you aren't someone's friend or cousin, it's not happening 99% of the time.
Talk to the several successful people
Hello, I earn more than apparently 99% of Lemmy
they got where they are either because their parents had connections
Nope
or they got Lucky
Nope
I made my own luck, by studying damn hard, putting in a shitload of effort and working my way up from dropping out of high school to being in an incredible job.
But thanks for reducing the thousands of hours I put into my job and education to 'luck' or 'has parents'.
I now interview people, if you show up with skills and effort you can make a lot of money very easily but a lot of people don't even show up with effort.
If you aren’t someone’s friend or cousin, it’s not happening 99% of the time.
You need to step out of the echo chamber or whatever cope cage you've built yourself, this is a complete joke and honestly I'm not going to reply to anymore because I can't tell if you're trolling or not this is such a stupid opinion.
This is a huge deal. Truly. Male loneliness in particular is a swollen lithium battery ready to be poked. I doubt it will be addressed correctly. I have no idea how to fix it and infinite empathy for anyone, male or female, going through this.
This isn't a complete solution, but joining groups for interaction is a start. Book clubs, game clubs, sports, movie clubs, whatever it is as long as it's social and in person. Put up a flyer on community noticeboards for an activity you like, alternatively.
Volunteering can also help. Being part of a community, being seen and contributing can make all the difference to starting the process.
This isn't a solution to depression or any mental health issue. It's a possible way to begin creating connection though.
It's messy AF
Guys are afraid of rejection, but also not great at making themselves more appealing candidates. That whole woman chooses the bear thing is real, even if, in general, we're not worse than the bear.
From the woman's standpoint, if they let the guy in and get knocked up, they might end up having to raise the kid and maybe deal with some asshole for 20 years. Statistically, they have more to lose.
It's even harder when you're young because you don't want someone with kids, or issues, or baggage, but then being uncharismatic and mediocre is seriously underrated baggage.
We need male boot camps for loneliness with counselors and coaches. Help people work on their empathy, see what the other side sees and figure out how to work toward improvement to the point where they can find what they're looking for.
