The Onion

(Washington DC) Source close to the White House are confirming rumors that trump is testing several versions of a new Pledge of Allegiance during his weekly briefing, often interrupting security personnel to make them repeat various versions of the pledge. Unconfirmed rumors also say a ground of school-aged girls were brought to the White House to “test the pledge,” for a proposed October unveiling.

“This is concerning,” said one White House staffer who asked not to be named for fear of reprisal. “He usually forgets an idea after a few days, but he has been speaking of this for two weeks, it’s very strange.”

White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt denied the rumors, but deflected questions about whether she had been asked to take the pledge. “What I do at the pleasure of the president is private,” she responded to questions related to her taking the pledge.

Administration watchers are cautious in their evaluation. “It feels horrible to say it,” said one, “but it’s always possible he’s just sexually harassing these women and the pledge story is a cover up for this. Really, this is a very broken administration, I can’t believe I am downplaying something they would be doing to only being sexual assault.”