this post was submitted on 25 Mar 2025
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No Stupid Questions
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Hi! Just wondering how you folk were feeling today.
As for me, I had a rough last few weeks, but on Friday I started getting out of my funk thanks to the much needed and valued support of a friend.
Finally feeling a bit better today after getting part of my mess together. I still have some stuff to fix before I feel well, but the improvement is nice.
This got me to thinking how you guys were doing, cause idk. Talking about how I was feeling and the problems I've been facing with my friend helped me a lot. I thought a space to share or vent might help someone else.
Would really appreciate it if we tried to keep it supportive and non judgmental too. We don't know what it's like for others, after all. Thanks in advance. <3
So anyway, how are you?
Edit: Gonna go get something to eat now and have to get some work done, but will be back in a few hours. Take care and thanks to all of you that have shared!
My dad died in December, I've been on long-term sick leave for 15 years due to my "action paralysis" anxiety, I lost contact with absolutely everyone (including doctors etc.) due to my inability to even answer my phone, lost my benefits (not sure if that the correct word in English, but in plain words, I stopped getting money). I missed two rents and almost lost my apartment. I managed to make contact with my mom and we've now spent a month doing everything we can to get my sick leave back, but my new doctor is not good. And for some fucking reason a drug test showed a false positive for tramadol (I've never taken that, and haven't taken anything other than my medications) so now we have to fight my doctor because she made up her mind that the reason I lost contact was because of drug use and not being willing to get better, which is complete bullshit. I'm lucky I'm in Sweden, where help exists in ways it doesn't in many other countries. But this is my worst experience with the health system, and I'm already at the edge of a cliff with my action paralysis. We have pleaded to get help before the end of this month so I won't miss another rent, since that would pretty surely be the last drop so I loose my apartment, but all meetings we've gotten (4 different ones) are in April, so now we're desperately trying to get someone to understand the situation so we can get help. I've only had food enough to survive, nothing "nice" like snacks or anything, I've of course been unable to pay for music streaming, cloud computer for gaming and much more. At least I've been able to get my medication and enough food to not starve, but it's not a good life right now.
Sounds horrible. I'm sorry about your dad and your action paralysis sounds brutal. I can definitely relate too.
I've struggled with it too up to my late 20s and my brother had a very serious case of it. For me, I stopped answering the phone for years during my depression until every last person who cared about me just stopped calling. I remember one day came where I realized it was my birthday late that afternoon. No one had called. Not a single person. "Well, this is it. You did it, Pudutr0n. Congrats." I thought to myself.
I can't blame them either. I wouldn't take calls or answer the door. I just refused to live. I didn't want to take part in society. I didn't want to face the pressure of being judged by others for my every word, the state of my life and my lack of accomplishments. I felt shame about every ounce of my being and guilt for not ever showing up or picking up for anything or anyone. It was bad.
On some level I just wanted to disappear into not being remembered by anyone so I could take my own life in peace, knowing no one would care.
But that day never came. For some reason some people never, ever ever stopped caring. And depression can be horrible and push you to be a dick to people too. It did in my case, anyway.
When I started showing up again, there were some people who were just happy to see me. They didn't care about the long list of failures I had accumulated, my lack of achievement, how weird I am, how I threw my life away, gained weight or had absolutely nothing to share. They didn't want anything from me. They were just happy I was showing up. At first I couldn't conceive the concept of unconditional care/love, but i'll tell you. It exists. And not just by friends either. Some mental health professionals are this way too. On the other hand, some are psychopaths too, so there's also that. heh.
I'm sorry you're feeling the way you are. I'm sorry you can't get out. I'm sorry you're being blamed for something you didn't do. I'm sorry you have no ways to give yourself joys. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. It sounds horrible and I'm sure you don't deserve it.
There's nothing to be afraid of and there's nothing to be ashamed of regarding other people though. If I found anything at all during all my years of darkness, it's that regardless of life conditions, there are some things that never stop mattering. In my case a big one was loved ones. I didn't want to see them because I valued them too much to expose them to myself, and seeing their disappointment when they looked to or talked to me would have destroyed me. I felt bad about shutting them down. I really did. Not because of what I lost, but because I hurt them. I was on this constant insane guilt trip about it too which didn't let me do anything to change, well, anything.
Anyway, I don't know how it's like for you, but I would advise you to take a good look at what's still important to you and who still cares, because that information will be priceless for the rest of your life when you get out.
If you're experiencing shame and guilt, just keep in mind the people that would want you to feel embarrassed, insufficient or not enough in any way because of your life, what you look like or what you've been through, those people are meaningless. You wouldn't want to spend 5 seconds with them to begin with, even if you were on top of the world... and the people who wouldn't want you to feel this way... they are the ones that matter, and guess what? They stick around. When they think you want them to, anyway. And they don't care about the stuff you find so unforgivable or the questions that would make you feel "not enough" at a dinner party. They just care about you cause you're you.
Maybe identify these people. They're important. In my case, many of them are online, and some are family. It helps to talk to them when I feel I'm feeling bad, too. If you reach out to them, they'll likely respond too, even if you feel bad for doing so.
INo one can get out of this for you and idk how long this will last but know this: when you do get out, you'll have crystal clear notion of what and who truly matters in life. And that, my friend, is something of immense value.
I have faith in you and hope you make your way out of the hole soon.
Take care of yourself, M137. You deserve it. <3
Wow, few can relate in the ways you've expressed, I haven't been able to sit down and read your whole comment yet but the bits I've read show you understand. Thank you, and all the best to you! I'll come back and write more once I have the energy. Hugs!
Thanks for the kind reply. No need to read or write a long thing back if you're not feeling it. Just know you're a valuable person and there are many ways out of this. Hugs to you too!
This feels like some right wing bs.
How so?
Maybe some "no true Scotsman" bullshit but it was an honest response.
Fair.
<3