What about this situation is causing you to be upset?
this post was submitted on 05 Jun 2025
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Yeah here is the thing: honor killings still happen in Muslim families in the west.
Not saying her family is that extreme, but they could very well be. Even if they're not, prepare for a lot of problems when they find out. If a Muslim girl tells you that she can't tell her parents about you, idk trust her on her word. I know the feeling, it sucks, but that is part of the deal you made when you got serious with a Muslim girl
Do what she says or she will be killed by her family 🤡
Friend of mine had the same scenario in high school. The only one who knew was the twin sister of the girlfriend. The rest of the family would never have accepted a non-muslim. It's probably the only way to do this until she's an adult and can tell them to fuck off.
I just want to point out something that I've not seen others mention - sometimes girls are just way too paranoid about what their families will think. I know one girl who keeps insisting that her parents wouldn't let her date a black guy, but then she also admits that she dated a hispanic guy before and thought the same thing but her parents loved him. Honestly I think like 70% of girls imagine that their parents wouldn't accept some huge swath of men due to some superficial characteristic, but probably in reality only maybe 20% of parents would actually be against their daughter dating a guy who treats her well, even if he's of a type they dislike.
It's fine that you feel upset, everyone has emotions. It's what we do with them that matters. It's a good thing you asked here and that the responses mostly aren't hurtful.
If you don't feel like you can talk to your girlfriend about it, I invite you to go to a mosque and try to get to know a few Muslims. Or if you have Muslim friends, try to talk to them about relationships and about women dating. Also, if you do want to talk to your girlfriend about it, try to be the listener. Do not push back, try to be understanding, give a space where she feels comfortable to go into the details. Just don't pressure her.
This is a good relationship to discover how you deal with discomfort regarding the issue of acceptance by others. It will give you an opportunity to practice. You might handle it well, take the advice you got from here and apply it successfully. You might also end up without a girlfriend, but that's all part of the journey. You'll get to know yourself better.
Good luck.
it's normal to wait for a while before presenting to parents. for muslims its an especially serious thing. that culture probably doesn't have a lot of casual dating. regarding her family, you should be supportive in doing things however she needs you to do them. don't be a pussy about it
It sucks that she opened herself up to a relationship when she couldn't fully commit to it with you.
I'm sorry you're having to go through things like this.
Other comments raise a good point about Muslim culture and it's worth considering.
Why does it upset you?
No pressure? You don't think being upset about it counts? Does it count as pressure when she's upset with you about something? Is your version of freedom the one where we're all free to do things your way?
Is it all about the culture gap, or maybe it isn't about the culture gap at all? Maybe it's about the culture gap as she perceives it, rather than the culture gap as you perceive it?
Maybe you should start putting the person you love first? Perhaps that's in your own best interests anyway? Maybe you're just bad at being selfish?
Get a new girl friend.
This won't end well. These stories never do. Why waste time?
Edit: y'all can downvote. It OP take a note of this comment in a few years once this drama settles.
This is not a healthy dynamic.
you are 19...that is the definition of being stupid