Tried to cross ice covered river in the middle of winter. Fell in halfway through much to my chagrin. Turns out the ice was a lot less stable farther from the riverbed and I thought after testing the side of the river that the ice was thick enough to hold me. Honestly the walk home was probably the closest I have ever come to dying. I was about an hour walk away from home. My fingers stopped working before I got out of the woods.
this post was submitted on 30 May 2025
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I was teaching my kid how to nail while doing one of those Home Depot kids projects that can you bring home. I held it up to show him and nailed too hard with the way I was holding it that the nail went through and pierced my left hand at the base of thumb all the way to the muscle.
I promptly told him, “that’s why the correct way to nail is to put it on the ground to do this and do not hold it like that, now daddy needs to go get a bandage real quick.”
I cleaned it, bandaged it, finished the project, and then went to the doctor just in case because it was fairly deep. 🤣
Tried to open a can with a pair of pliers. Got a nasty cut in the right index finger that had to be stitched.
Put a rib out of place by dropping a fire extinguisher on myself. I was carrying it cradled in my arms at chest height, big heavy sucker, when I slipped on icy ground and fell flat on my back. I saw the extinguisher seeming to hover in the air and watched it fall towards me like in slow motion. The thought flashed through my mind that it was going to crush my rib cage and I would die right there. Knocked the wind out of me and for the next month or two it hurt to take a really deep breath. A chiropractor said I had a rib out of place - he did some kind of crunch on me and boom, totally fixed. I've never had another stereotypical chiropractor cure like that.
In college, my roommate decided to make jello shots in these little shot glasses we had. He and his buddies finished them off and stacked the empty glasses in the room. Ass of a roommate refused to clean them out, so they sat for a little more than a week, at which point I was sick of them enough to clean them myself.
The jello had crystallized around the rim of the glasses, cementing them together, and as I twisted a couple of them apart the crystallized jello sliced into my hand.
My wife still taunts me sometimes for getting cut by jello.