this post was submitted on 05 Nov 2025
299 points (97.5% liked)

Not The Onion

18541 readers
1619 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] nocturne@slrpnk.net 154 points 21 hours ago (3 children)

He needs to hurry up and od on ketamine before he figures out to upload his consciousness into neuralink and we end up in Altered Carbon.

[–] LORDSMEGMA@sh.itjust.works 54 points 20 hours ago (3 children)

It takes a lot of k to od. Cant we get him addicted to fent or something quicker?

[–] homesweethomeMrL@lemmy.world 21 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

Just keep him in the hot tub. Let nature take its course.

[–] turdcollector69@lemmy.world 4 points 7 hours ago

The truth is, the tub was rigged from the start

[–] Almacca@aussie.zone 2 points 2 hours ago

Lead poisoning should do it, at high velocity.

[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 2 points 7 hours ago

cocaine is probably easier to acquire for him.

[–] LettyWhiterock@lemmy.world 19 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

If he uploads his consciousness I'm going to download a copy of it, mod it into the Sims, and torture it on loop.

[–] ApathyTree@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 8 hours ago

Related story of the horrors of uploading yourself 🤭

https://qntm.org/mmacevedo

[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 2 points 7 hours ago

cocaine is most likely to OD you than KETAMINE.