this post was submitted on 26 Aug 2025
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I honestly don't know you personally, but my point is that maybe you don't need all of that in one person. Maybe you just need someone who will support you in things you find value in and encourage you to pursue your passions, but you'll actually pursue them with different groups of people.
And that's the point of going out and making friendship a priority. Friends can meet a lot of needs and reduce what you need from a romantic partner. If you can separate what roles a romantic partner must satisfy from what can be satisfied by friend groups, your pool of potential partners increases substantially.
For example, I'm really nerdy and into a lot of weird technical stuff. My SO is quite different and doesn't know what I'm talking about half the time, and is really into art and related things. We do things together where we overlap, and the rest is with other friend groups.
I think people get hung up looking for the perfect fit instead of a good fit.
Exactly!
Hey, sorry for the late reply, Life™ happened and I kept missing the notification.
Personally, through trial and error, I've come to the conclusion that I do, indeed, need those aspects in a relationship, but the degrees in which they're present aren't as relevant! Gonna go into TMI, probably, but as a concrete example, I won't say "no" if someone isn't actively into the Grotesque, but they liked something of Giger's, or Beksiński's when I showed them! There's at least the potential for exploration there, which is a lot of fun in and of itself!
Otherwise, I think that each and every individual has their own very specific set of needs and acceptable compromises, which is why I think we're both correct! In that, literally, any which way someone goes about something is ok, as long as their potential interest gets full respect, honesty and openness at the end of the day. And even regardless of result, but that's besides the point.
As far as being open to friendship while pursuing romantic relationships, that doesn't work for me personally, because I look for very different things when looking for partners compared to when I'm allowing friendships to happen - different dynamics, different investments, different intentions, and generally looking for people who, like me, are actively seeking romantic stuff, means it usually makes friendships mutually untenable afterwards. If there's the possibility and a friendship develops naturally and without uncomfortable difficulties, of course I won't say "no" to it, though!