this post was submitted on 20 Aug 2025
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Microsoft announces new Chief Accuracy Officer, Jack Handey
Mr. Handey has released a statement:
"If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you’ll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.”
“If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.”
-Jack Handy
"Hmm. I wonder. I was thinking of dancing trees. Now I'm wondering what's next. Screaming trees. Yeah. That's got to be the answer. Screaming trees." - private notes by Hans Reiser, filesystem designer and a convicted murderer
(OK, that's a fake quote. This one is real:)
"Trees have their roots pointing up. And if you cut a tree apart, you get a forest. No, I'm not drunk." - one of my computer science profs, on data structures
Ah yes Mr Engineer my impression of this structural assembly is it’s okay but could be really better over there. No need for a second impression.
Everyone would be a lot happier, that's all I'm saying.