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this post was submitted on 14 Jul 2025
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Leopards Ate My Face
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He never promised that, though. He promised to rid the land of gnomes, an under appreciated linchpin species. He also promised to reveal who has been pissing in the town well. By doing that, the unicorns and fairy dust would return naturally.
What he didn't mention was that aggressive deforestation had killed all the unicorns and fairies. And even if they did come back, they'd be shot on sight because an endangered species would halt the deforestation and that's currently profitable. Once the wildfires take out the rest of the enchanted forest, the townspeople will likely die in agony with their dignity stripped away, but that'll be profitable, too, if they can convince enough people that their support will put them on the survivor's side!