The Onion

6382 readers

533 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 3 years ago

MODERATORS

seahorse@midwest.social

pbrisgreat@midwest.social

241

Report: Average American’s Retirement Plan Involves Richard Gere Falling For Them After Paying For Sex (theonion.com)

submitted 4 days ago by ZeroCool@lemmy.ca to c/theonion@midwest.social

17 comments fedilink hide all child comments

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world 1 points 3 days ago

My retirement plan is to work until it hurts too much to work anymore, use whatever I've managed to save up to buy as much illegal drugs as I can get my hands on, enjoy literal bliss for however long [money ÷ cost of drugs] gets me.

Then, either 1) overdose and die, 2) go skydiving or something and just don't pull the parachute line, or 3) murder as many neonazis as I can until one of them kills me first. Gonna depend on the mood at the time.