"I UNDERSTAND that one time you saw YOUR MOTHER wearing CLOTHING. The HORROR of it. THE DRAPING FABRIC. THE DELICATE EMBROIDERY. The WAY it BUNCHED UP AROUND HER. I cannot begin to FATHOM how DISGUSTING it must have been for you. TO SEE YOUR MOTHER THERE in CLOTHING. This is not the kind of thing I like to imagine. The FOLDS and GUSSETS and BUTTON HOLES. Imagine your mother PUTTING HER CLOTHING ON, thrusting her STUBBY FINGERS through her BUTTON HOLES as she DRAPES HERSELF IN FABRIC. And when she was done she LOOKED IN A MIRROR....."
groucho
joined 2 years ago
My advice is to bid her farewell and mourn a little. If it's any consolation, the person you have a crush on only existed in your head, assembled by frenzied brain chemicals out of the few things you were able to learn about her. The real version has her own flaws, quirks, strengths, eccentricities, and loves. She is far more human than the person your brain shuffled onto a pedestal and she's living her own life. The crush was fun, but let it go now. It's the kindest thing to do for yourself.
As an introvert on the spectrum, talking to strangers is hard. It's uncomfortable. On bad days, I feel like I'm trying to crawl out of my own skin when I end up talking to someone I don't know (and on really bad days, even with people I do know.) But sometimes we have to do uncomfortable things to grow, and the more you do the thing the easier it becomes. Start small and realize it'll feel weird. Work your way up. Talk to girls and make some friends, not because you eventually want to be involved with them but because you want another friend. A wonderful thing happens as you make friends: you start seeing other people's perspectives. You start feeling more comfortable. And you open yourself up to more experiences. Some of these experiences are even fun!
Having said all that about crushes.... I met my wife, many years ago, at a Halloween party. I was instantly smitten and yeah, I had a crush on her. A big one. I went to a drag show with some friends a few weeks later and she was there! We snuck out for a cigarette and talked, awkwardly, for a few minutes.
The next time I talked to her, it was at a show she was playing at a dive bar. She played an instrument?! I had no idea. I was a terminal case at that point. I remember standing in the audience, going over what I should say to her when the set ended. As it turned out, she announced that this would be their final show and she was moving out of state with her boyfriend a week later. I was devastated.
It took a little while, but I let go and moved on. We both had very interesting lives for the next few years and met up again at another party. We ended up talking a lot, texting, going to shows. We started a band with a mutual friend, learned some obscure asian card game together, and eventually said "what the hell, we should probably be dating."
She didn't end up being anything like the girl I had a crush on, and we've been happily together for almost a decade. I don't think any of that would have been possible if I'd brooded over her and never gotten over the crush.