canadianchik

He hates the idea of sharing me or me receiving attention from others and I agree 100% because I feel the same way about girls giving him attentions that’s why I asked him first if he’s fine with it and he agreed. That’s why I didn’t think much of it in the beginning. I’ve been single for years, I do feel ready for a relationship and wants things to work. I’ve been trying really hard to work things out but I think it’s officially set that he wants out, gotta respect that I guess

I even offered my passwords, told him he can text them or whatever to make him feel better but he said no. After the second guy he said he didn’t like it unless it was through GoFundMe me link, and then I was stupid to give someone my Instagram because they said they’d send me money and I sent them the go fund me link on Instagram. I know that part is dumb because if they wanted to help they would’ve just done it on TikTok. But idk. I made that mistake I guess. I apologized so much. He has his insecurities and I have mine but if he had told me about it I would’ve respected it from the very begininning. He was hyping me up in the beginning 2 guys and asking me “have they sent you money yet?” So it was so hard to get it. I thought everything was fine?

I know. I do suffer from depression tbh. I’m working on it and it has improved a lot. Deep down, I know I’ll manage, I’ve been through so much things and pain in my life and I bounced back. I mostly sad that out of sadness. He is one of the good things I have in my life besides my family and my friend. He grew really close to me. Like no one else ever has. Even knowing others for 3+ years. And I understand that, I know the reactions will feel different because like you said, I know it becomes more routine. Love will never be same as when you first meet someone but it’s on the two individuals to do things together to spark it up. I’ve seen my sisters and their husbands go through this. I understand this, idk if he does. I wish he can understand that things can be worked through. No one is perfect, people will upset you in any way, no matter how much you love them and they love you. I know all of this is true. I think I’m just tired of trying to win him back. I really would go back. I have lots of hope of working things out that I think are good. The sexual contact was good but it did make me feel used, but he apologized and I’m moving past it. The mistake I made was giving my Instagram out after me and him had a conversation about followers and stuff (childish I know, I regret it) and I only gave it out because they said they would help with go fund me. But they sent a dick pic, I blocked, and told him immediately. When we were talking about that, I saw he was upset about the Dick pic so I told him the first guy I was texting for money (he knew this) that he also sent stuff I didn’t wanna see. And he got mad that I didn’t tell him that. I asked if that would’ve changed anything and he said yes. He would’ve told me he’s more uncomfortable with it and I get it, I would’ve respected it. But I was equally as traumatized receiving those I just never found a purpose to tell him when I knew I was gonna block them. It’s really Immature and I would never text anyone for money ever again. He just doesn’t think he can trust me again…. Lol.

It was the whole “I went out my way to send someone my Instagram” we talked about Instagram and followers and stuff like 2-3 days before that or whatever and he mentioned he didn’t like people following me and stuff and they get to see what I post or whatever. To be honest, I didn’t care for those people so I honestly removed them. I now only have like around 50-60 following/followers. It doesn’t bother me. I post for myself and not for attention. I respected that because I respected that boundary. So the part he finds broken is how I gave my Instagram for money after we had that whole conversation about Instagram and stuff. I fucking hate social media. It ruins everything. And I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t also feel some way about his following too and whatever but then we talked about it and I didn’t care anymore. Communication is so important to me and it always helps. Towards the beginning of the relationship, he did like this intended thirst trap picture and I was upset and told him, it was super embarassing but he explained and I moved past it. The caption was “hope you’re looking at me like I’m looking at this sushi” and I was grossed out because I didn’t know what he wanted from me at that time u know? It was childish of me of snooping and finding out but I feel like we’ve all done that when we really like someone. I never left him for that. For INTENTIONALLY clicking like or whatever or giving this girl attention (ps. He used to be in her DMs too) but I didn’t care (also cuz she was kind of famous lol) but I’m thinking of it as a bigger aspect. Like when I text old men for money and I get an unexpected photo, or giving Instagram for money, I know it isn’t right and I wouldn’t do it again. But I find it silly because he says I broke his trust and he’s afraid I’ll unintentionally hurt him but he also did the same thing for me? Maybe not the same level but it did hurt me a lot because he knows I’m insecure and I get scared of being compared to other women (my ex did this) but I never left him for that. It’s childish. I don’t throw good things away for something like this. My parents have been through so much, made so much mistakes, they don’t fucking leave?

He said it’s because I made the mistake of doing it again? Like giving my Instagram to give someone my go fund me link and stuff. And the fact that the first guy sent my something and I didn’t tell him .. his exact words was “it shouldn’t have happened in the first place”

But what about the mistakes I made with the older men sending me money. That’s what he can’t get over. He said it’s a big issue that I didn’t tell him the first guy sent me disgusting pictures/video and that I gave my Instagram for someone to send me money. I never thought much of it. I was just going to give it, send my GoFundMe link (my bf said only GoFundMe link was okay) and then block them but they just sent me a photo out of nowhere, I blocked and told my boyfriend how bad I felt and sorry. That’s when I told him the first guy sent something too. I just didn’t find a point in saying it before because I didn’t ask nor wanna see that nasty shit.

Thanks for this comment. I’m glad you are your wife are super comfortable and I’m happy you guys are happy with each other :). I am young, I turn 22 in August and he just turned 23 in march. I do have experience as I was in a relationship of 3 years a couple years ago but I was so young. I started dating in grade 9 and he was in grade 12. That relationship destroyed me because I never learned to love myself and I feel like that relationship made everything worse.

I know, I want him to realize that this mistake can be fixed and that we can move on. We met up to talk and I tried but he did sexual stuff (obviously I did and wanted to) but it was brushed off the first night when I kept saying let’s talk. That part hit me the most. But I always felt happy with him, really. He is 7 hours away but we see each other here n there (meet halfway or whenever he’s down here for work).. he is only long distance for maybe 10 more months or a bit less now. But part of me feels like this still can work if he changes his mind. I do feel numb right now to everything so everything does feel gray. I’m trying to hard to win him back but I’m so drained. I’m tired. But no one ever cared for me like he does and I felt so happy with him, just seeing his face and being able to hug him, even if it meant seeing him every 3 weeks. We FaceTimed all the time, play Minecraft, games, chat, everything. The distance never rlly got in the way. I’m sad

I know I made a mistake and he knows it was just a mistake and that my intentions were never to hurt him. His main concern is that he thinks I’m going to unintentionally hurt him in the future which I’m trying to accept but it makes me so mad. He knows how insane I went from hurting him. I hurt myself, I was in the ER because I was so stressed and hurt that I was having so much heart pain. He knows this. I wish he could believe me that I’ll never hurt him again. We are sort of texting about everything, probably for closure and stuff. I do want him back but I am also scared at the same time. He means a lot to me

Thank you. I don’t know how to stop beating myself over it. It’s been 4 days and this guilt inside me is eating me up. I feel like a bad person and that I broke someone I care about so much. I can’t believe he wants to end it over this. We are texting about our feelings and opinions right now but I’m still devastated. For some weird part, I’m kind of glad he hurted me at the end when I wanted to talk but he wanted to do sexual stuff because I feel used, maybe part of me thinks I’ll move past it quicker because of this? I’ve been used all my life, I’m kind of used to this feeling now. He knew everything about the old men, he just didn’t know up until 4 days ago that the first guy sent me dick pics and stuff and trust me, it traumatized me where I was physically gagging and saying ew. The most recent guy asked me for my Instagram and then he would help me so I gave it with no thought and sent the go fund me link and he asked for photos, said check my Instagram cuz I won’t send any (in respect to my bf) and he immediately sent me a dick picture. That’s where he got upset. That I didn’t tell him about the first guy sending stuff (but he knew that I was sending fake nudes so part of me thought he’d expect something to be sent as I was fake flirting for money)

After that happened I said no more sexual and that the second guy was actually just to talk and he actually sent me money, that’s where he told me he didn’t want me doing it unless it’s through GoFundMe. That’s why I didn’t think much of giving my Instagram. I was dumb. I made a mistake.

I just feel like a liar in some way? I have always been open and honest to him and I’ve told him so many things that no one knows. When I went out with my friend and her boyfriend and his roommate was going to be there, I even let him know that and asked if he was going to be okay with it. I told my friend if he wasn’t then I wasn’t going to go. I would never want to do anything to hurt him.

But I did so many bad things :( I can’t bear to process it and it’s eating me up. I hurt him so much when they sent me pictures. I know I didn’t ask for it but it’s partially my fault for even texting them in the first place. I feel like an asshole

Why did he have sex with me and cuddle and all, and then the next day everything hit him and he wanted to end it . I’m going feral over this and I can’t sit on it. I wanna cry. I self harmed the other day after not doing it for years because I felt so bad for hurting him. I hate that he thinks I’ll unintentionally hurt him again.