Casual Conversation

I hit an age and a point in my life where I stopped caring. All of that toxic masculinity shit should be ignored because it’s just plain unhealthy. I found that I gained more confidence bucking those toxic norms, than I did hiding who I was, or trying to act a certain way to appease people that will never pick up a phone to hangout.

Being sensitive and empathetic is a strength, not a weakness. It shows emotional maturity. Anyone that tells you otherwise doesn’t even know themselves. I’ve known men that would constantly give unsolicited macho advice but rarely had anything to contribute that wasn’t cited from somewhere else. In all of those scenarios, they struggled to find and hold onto healthy relationships and friendships, and they struggled to find their identity. They filled the gaps in with defensive tactics and poor or non-existent communication skills.

I’ve found that when you take risks and be more forward with your feelings, it helps gain confidence and the outward positive energy rubs off. If you find that you’re surrounded by a lot of that macho energy and it puts a toxic damper on who you are, it’s time to leave it behind. Surround yourself with the energy you want to reciprocate. If you can’t find that, spend time alone and find yourself.

Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.

— Lao Tzu

Historically, I'd say I'm sensitive. At the same time, I feel like over the decades I've built up a pretty mild manner where most everything that doesn't spark joy just rolls off my back. I'm also a confident person, which helps.

I definitely still cry at movies, and was kept up the other night thinking about all the cats out in the cold that don't have loving homes.

On what some might consider the more negative side of the coin, I've stopped having long term romantic relationships. They breed negative sensitivities and habits within me, and eventually none of it makes me happy or healthy. But, then again, coming to terms with my nature in that regard is liberating in itself.

My friend, I cannot tell you how much I relate to so much of what you've written here. Thank you for sharing, it makes me feel better, and I hope it does for you as well, and you know that you are not alone in feeling this way.

I really personally have always had a great deal of difficulty having male friends. I am a very complex person, a very intelligent person, a very witty person, a very creative person. I'm not interested in talking about shows where people punch each other, or who kicked the ball into a thing. I find it nearly impossible to have any kind of meaningful conversation with men.

To me, talking about where you had chicken wings, and what band you saw, and what Sherry said to Tina... It's beyond nauseating. It's existentially dreadful. I need to talk about thoughts, feelings, perspectives, viewpoints, philosophy, hobbies, passions, art, anything other than what happened today and what direction the wind is blowing.

The way I have started to finally solve this after years of sustained effort, is to accept within myself that I'm a lovely person, and people want to be around me, but it behooves me to be selective about the people I choose to spend time with.

Basically I had to find the internal confidence to realize that it's better to stay home and tinker with electronics and have a wonderful time, then to go out and be brought to an utter sense of ennui gossiping and braying and having overpriced pizza that was actually made frozen in a factory 2,000 mi away

I started to really push myself outside my comfort zone, join electronics hobbyist groups, 3D printing groups, walking groups, discussion groups, different groups that I'm not necessarily an expert in, but just to meet the kind of people who actually want to do things with their brains and their feelings, and not just incorporate liquid calories and pureed chicken tendies into their guts.

I'm sensitive and expressive, but I also have self-confidence out the wazoo. The idea that someone else might disapprove of me expressing my emotions is one that took me me thirty years to learn and even now I still don't care about their disapproval. Oh, there's a time and a place, sure, but if I'm watching President Bartlett give a rousing speech on The West Wing I'm gonna cry and that's that. Anyone who disapproves of my manly tears is just wrong.

I enjoy the fact that people feel safe with and around me. Most men would see it as an insult and a shame on their masculinity that people automatically don’t fear you but I prefer people trusting me. I am not a cave man, maybe my ancestors were but that doesn’t mean I need to act like one. Do what makes you, you! And don’t worry about being an inflated man.

I feel like I do reasonably well with not giving a shit most of the time, it's a lot easier when you have a support system of people who are cool. With that said, I really do try to hide that I'm almost crying at the end of almost any movie, even objectively terrible ones. Shit still feels embarrassing.

I learned to be sensitive and expensive anyway. It turns out men and women like it. I tell my friends what they mean to me. I tell people what I'm thinking or doing. The women I'm with think it's hot. One straight up told me, "You're in your masculine but in touch with your feminine. That's hot."

I'm open. I look people in the eye and hold eye contact. I exist genuinely. But it took a long time to get there

transcend gender. be a human first. labels are for jars.