The Onion

(Washington DC) As Americans grow increasingly alarmed at the rising cost of goods, a new proposal is being floated in the Senate to decrease the value of money in advance, in order to stop inflation. The “Stable Bubble” amendment proposes to reduce the value of the dollar preemptively, thus preventing inflation. Responses have been overwhelmingly positive from republican voters.

“Inflation is a major problem in America,” said Leo Sturbgettter, an unemployed cow detangler from Llano, Texas. “If we can inflate before the prices, we already gonna be inflated. Then there can’t be inflation”

“It’s simple math,” he added.

Not so, says unemployed federal economist and current barrista Tony Larist. “Look I don’t have time to explain this during the rush, but what you’re describing is actually worse than inflation. Call it stoopid inflation. No, use two o’s, it’s that bad.”

When asked how the government would decrease money’s value, the president was extremely candid, apparently pleased to not be dodging Epstein questions. “We have these machines,” he said. “Money machines. All day long they make money, and when I said ‘can they go faster’ they said ‘of course, mr president,’ so I will just print double the money and everything should be fine.”

When asked where the money would go, the president answered, “oh we have places for that… now Epstein… that’s a problem, someone really should look into that.”

The Department of the Treasury would not comment on the proposed plan.