The Onion

Robert Jenrick, the shadow minister for racism called yesterday for an inquiry.

He was told that there had already been an inquiry and that the results of the inquiry were available

Mr Kendrick, however, disputed the results of the inquiry, claiming the whole process must be flawed.

“There is no way this inquiry was carried out with rigour and high-standards I would expect because if it had been then it would have found that brown people were to blame.”

However, experts believe that the reason the inquiry didn’t find that brown people were to blame was because that brown people weren’t to blame.

Mr Jenrick disputed that assertion.

“Nonsense. If we had another inquiry then I’m certain that it would find that brown people were to blame and if it didn’t then we should have a further inquiry.”

Frankly, I think the only sensible thing to do is to hold as many inquiries as is necessary before brown people are found to be to blame.

Kemi Badenoch, the Tory leader for the next couple of days, was unable to comment as she’d got herself stuck in a revolving door.