this post was submitted on 24 Dec 2025
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Leopards Ate My Face

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DES MOINES, IA — Jessica Djukanovic, a conservative wrestling coach, mother of four, and loyal voter for the “Traditional Values and Strict Legislation Party,” is reportedly “shocked and appalled” to discover that the very laws she helped implement are currently treating her life as a secondary concern to a non-viable fetus.

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[–] Iheartcheese@lemmy.world 75 points 1 day ago (1 children)

What kind of shitty ass news website censors the word died? Shit needs to be blacklisted.

[–] I_Fart_Glitter@lemmy.world 39 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It seems to be basically a blog, run by one woman who calls herself an "independent journalist."

The "article" has gems like this:

For years, Djukanovic proudly stood with the Leopard Party, cheering on their platform of “protecting the unborn” and “getting the government out of our lives” (while simultaneously putting the government into everyone’s doctors’ offices). However, the celebratory mood shifted last month when a Leopard walked into her own living room and began sizing up her forehead.

[–] pressedhams@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 12 hours ago

That’s some beautiful prose.