this post was submitted on 22 Nov 2025
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Schmidt's index is full of brilliant stuff.
Red Fire Ant: Sharp, sudden, mildly alarming. Like walking across a shag carpet and reaching for the light switch.
Tropical Fire Ant: You should have learned, but the carpet is the same, and when you again reach for the light switch, the shock mocks you.
Southern Fire Ant: It happens on the third day, as you reach for the light switch, and you’re wondering when you will ever learn.
Giant Ant: A pulsing sting with some flavour. You stepped into a salt bath with an open wound.
Glorious Velvet Ant: Instantaneous, like the surprise of being stabbed. Is this what shrapnel feels like?
Warrior Wasp: Torture. You are chained in the flow of an active volcano. Why did I start this list?
Tarrantula Hawk Wasp: Blinding, fierce, shockingly electric. A running hair dryer has just been dropped into your bubble bath.
Absolute lunatic.
I’ve been stung by a velvet ant (although not a glorious one) and that’s honestly pretty spot on. I still remember that hot poker feeling, and they move so fast I didn’t even see the sting happen! That was my first lesson that fuzzy is not always friend 🥲
Back when I was in the military I saw one on the sidewalk in Texas as I was stepping forward, too late to abort. It was fine, completely unfazed by my combat boots. It had to fit in between one of the treads, but still. Serious little critters.
The first time I ever saw one of these it was dragging a paralyzed tarantula back to its nest. That big fucker stopped what it was doing, turned around, and stared at me like it was sizing me up. It then turned back around and continued dragging the tarantula across the ground like, "Oh. It's just a human. Not an actual threat. No biggie."
No biggie is right. No way in hell I was getting anywhere close to a 3 inch long wasp.