Not The Onion

18541 readers

1619 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

Links to news stories from...
...credible sources, with...
...their original headlines, that...
...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

kescusay@lemmy.world

689

‘It smelled of onions and mustard,’ Border Patrol officer hit by sandwich in DC testifies (www.cnn.com)

submitted 1 day ago by CubitOom@infosec.pub to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

105 comments fedilink hide all child comments

“He did it. He threw the sandwich.”

That’s how the defense counsel for Sean Dunn, the man who threw a sub-style sandwich at a Border Patrol officer in Washington, DC, this summer began the federal trial against him Tuesday morning.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] JohnnyCanuck@lemmy.ca 175 points 1 day ago (4 children)

I hope the people around him never let him live a minute without being reminded about what a weak little boy he is for whining about taking a soft, succulent sub to the shoulder.

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 121 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Navy should give him a medal for surviving the first sub attack on US soil.

The Cunt for Red October.

[–] ohulancutash@feddit.uk 8 points 1 day ago (3 children)

There were 3 submarine attacks on the US in 1942.

[–] Revan343@lemmy.ca 10 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Damned historical accuracy getting in the way of a decent joke

[–] 5too@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago

...first this century?

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

those were technically hoagies

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 1 points 21 hours ago

Acshully U-Boats.

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 day ago

Shit. Bread October...it was right there...

[–] Carmakazi@piefed.social 49 points 1 day ago

The injury was to the ego and authority - of the entire apparatus, not one man. They're all anxious to bring retribution and remind everyone that the enforcer class is above them and demands your cowering deference.

[–] Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world 21 points 1 day ago (1 children)

That's a really good point. I hope he gets a medal for injury in the line of duty with a big, televised ceremony and lots of sandwich puns.

[–] EvilBit@lemmy.world 17 points 1 day ago

Kinda gives new meaning to the term “war hero”.

[–] DrDystopia@lemy.lol 12 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Succulent...

Let go of my eggplant!

[–] YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today 9 points 1 day ago

This is delicatessen manifest!