this post was submitted on 13 Sep 2025
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[–] rekabis@lemmy.ca 47 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (32 children)

IMO anon’s statement about body count was badly phrased, but it makes sense for me under limited circumstances.

For the last few decades, my opinion has held firm on a simple philosophy:

If I never ask out a woman I’m interested in, and they date guy after guy, then I have nothing to complain about. They never knew about my interest, and so they were never given the chance to accept or reject my interest. There is no way in hell that I could hold their body count against them, and I have only myself to blame for not stepping up and asking them out when I had the chance.

But if I do ask a woman out, and they clearly and immediately reject me in favour of someone else, then I am obviously not an interest for them. They have clearly and unambiguously rejected me, so what standing do I have to not believe that? You can’t get a more sure sign. If they then rack up other relationships, each and every one of those is another nail in the coffin of any potential relationship. They have made an explicit statement that I am of far less desirability than other options, and that door closes permanently, and gets barred and locked for good measure.

Because if she comes sniffing around again, then it is screamingly obvious that I am not her second-best, third-best, or even n^th best option… I am her backup-backup-backup plan that she is “settling for” because all of her better options ran out.

And at that point… thanks but no thanks. That’s a path down which I have absolutely no desire to trod, because down that path lies doubt and second-guessing that can only poison me, my mental health, and my happiness. If she had no interest in me when I asked, then I will absolutely trust her for having told me the complete truth, and I will hold that truth as unchanging, unimpeachable gospel.

[–] wowwoweowza@lemmy.world 9 points 1 week ago (8 children)

I am replying to your reply to this post so that I don’t earn the ire of absolutely everyone. And perhaps I will not even earn yours. Perhaps… you will find some sense in what follows.

There was an unspoken rule for Gen-X — it was in many ways as you have described here. If you got rejected by a girl… that door was closed. And there wasn’t really room for friendship. If you got burned by a girl, you moved on and didn’t even pretend to like them. Done.

You could have friends that were girls if they had boyfriends you liked. If they had boyfriends you didn’t like, you could be friends with a girl you were attracted to, but only so that she might discover you.

Where I believe I run afoul of Millenials and Gen-Z is where I remind folks we just didn’t have a lot of girls who were just friends… we considered this a fantasy or just waiting.

[–] rekabis@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

There was an unspoken rule for Gen-X

I am of that generation… solidly middle GenX.

Where I believe I run afoul of Millenials and Gen-Z is where I remind folks we just didn’t have a lot of girls who were just friends… we considered this a fantasy or just waiting.

While even GenX had its fair share of these, the one thing I have seen in younger generations is an explosive increase in “Beta Orbiters”.

Unfortunately, this behaviour of giving attention, time, and resources - also known as simping - to a woman who has no intention of reciprocating in any fashion whatsoever, is likely screwing with several generations s of men, and is likely fuelling the rise of so-called “Incels”. Especially since the lack of reciprocity and fair play from what they provide is one of the fundamental “violations of trust” that men perceive. These young men need to learn how to shut metaphorical doors and ignore the women who have no interest in reciprocating and who will only string them along as “useful dancing monkeys”.

[–] hanrahan@slrpnk.net 2 points 1 week ago

While even GenX had its fair share of these, the one thing I have seen in younger generations is an explosive increase in “Beta Orbiters”.

Same here, however for me that's not a critique or criticism (I'm older Gen X) just an observation of a change in behaviour.

Like the astonishing "rise" in trans people. Once again, not a critisism, just an observation.

These young men need to learn how to shut metaphorical doors and ignore the women who have no interest in reciprocating and who will only string them along as “useful dancing monkeys”.

But it's not just an m/f thing. I see the same thing with grifter men doing the same thing. I assume it's some sort of peer thing with the ability of social media allowing easier contact?

That said it's not a lot different to religion, so perhaps a thing in most humans ?

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