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We Paid Some Etsy Witches to Curse Charlie Kirk (www.jezebel.com)

submitted 1 day ago by return2ozma@lemmy.world to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

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[–] givesomefucks@lemmy.world 63 points 1 day ago (5 children)

47 hours and 21 minutes before he was shot....

Sounds like they got the intensity off a little tho:

I want to make it clear, I’m not calling on dark forces to cause him harm. I just want him to wake up every morning with an inexplicable zit. I want his podcast microphone to malfunction every time he hits record. I want his blue blazers to suddenly all be one size too small. I want one of his socks to always be sliding down his foot. I want his thumb to grow too big to tweet. To ruin his day with the collective feminist power of the Etsy coven would be my life’s greatest joy.

Maybe they forgot Venus was in retrograde?

[–] ctry21@sh.itjust.works 48 points 1 day ago (1 children)

They did pay for the "shit your pants" spell, and that does happen shortly after death...so in a roundabout monkey's paw sort of way I guess that one worked

[–] FaceDeer@fedia.io 25 points 1 day ago

There were so many "minor bad thing happens" spells on him that the cosmos combined them all for ease of bookkeeping.

[–] you_are_dust@lemmy.world 16 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I guess you don't get to make specific demands when you start calling on the forces of darkness.

[–] SabinStargem@lemmy.today 3 points 14 hours ago

If this is the work of the Lord of Insufficient Light, I am very much a fan.

[–] Riftinducer@aussie.zone 8 points 23 hours ago

It's that "ruin his day with the collective feminist power of the Etsy coven" line that gets me. Talk about undersell, overdeliver

[–] makyo@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Maybe they got confused by an exponent or a measurement conversion

[–] A7thStone@lemmy.world 7 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

I must've put a decimal point in the wrong place or something. Shit, I always do that. I always mess up some mundane detail.

-Michael Bolton

[–] makyo@lemmy.world 3 points 20 hours ago

Woww is that your real name? Are you related to that singer guy?

[–] hector@lemmy.today 6 points 22 hours ago (1 children)

This was jupiter's work if I have ever seen it.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 3 points 14 hours ago

i dunno, jupiter's more of a through the forehead and suddenly you figure something important about your life out as you die guy. or was that athena?