(Washington DC) In a move even some in his party question, the trump white house says they are ready to release a list of his current, legal-age mistresses, to counter allegations of sexual wrong-doing by the president. Reactions were swift and vocal.
“This was on my bingo card,” shouted one reporter above the uproar at the press briefing. In the flurry of followup questions by reporters, Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt clarified that the list is not yet public, there are seven names on it, and two of those named have been in movies (later clarified to being in Netflix original dramas or better). The list will be released when the Epstein documents have not been in the headlines for 3 days. When asked if the list contained all of trumps mistresses, she clarified, “everyone that is on this list is over the age of consent in their state.”
“I hope this finally ends the controversy,” she added.
Mixed reactions are being seen all over the country and around the world. “Seven?” Said Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni. “That’s like trying to drink seven beers at once. I would rather see the files.”
In an opposing view, House Speaker Mike Johnson applauded the president for changing the subject. “I am a man of god, and I would much rather see his list of mistresses, that are legal, then discuss whether there are pedophiles among those that control our government.
Americans are mixed on the topic. Surprisingly, Republican women seem excited to discuss the topic, and a trend of #Imightbeonthelist started briefly in conservative circles, until people began age-checking accounts. Still there is excitement among republicans as they try to guess the seven women of legal age in some states who sleep with the president.
The office of the first lady could not be reached for comment.
"Seventy-seven in dog years?!"