I don't think people understand how fucked people who don't fit the societal mold of how their body or mind should function are here in the US, things are about to get very grim in the US, much grimmer than they were. The center of this society has decided what they don't like about Trump and fascism are primarily its harsh tone as he and other rightwing nutjobs murder us. The expression of how little I am worth to the society around me is not lost on me, it is only lost on the centrists who tone police me for being negative about my future.

What societies like mine do as they collapse is tend to see diversity as a threat to the survival of the society, including cognitive diversity. This is a phenomena old as time and centrists have NEVER resisted it once. As someone with severe ADHD it is crystal clear to me a brickwall is heading at me and I know especially with my executive dysfunction there is no way I am dodging it.

I have never been able to hide, if you have a brain like me you knew from a young age it was dangerous to let people think you did weird things because they felt normal to you, so you became the class clown and learned to love it even even as deep down you remember that lesson in your bones you can never forgot. If I let people see how chaotic my brain really is, as in what I turned into a joke was truly me just reacting to my own impulsivenes with clever impulsiveness, they will insist on hurting me, "I have to make this goofy or I will be hurt" is the way I survived.

The thing is, there are no class clowns left in a fascist society, so in a way this is me saying goodbye. I will still be present here for a long time yet, but the true me is dying right now. I am not a creature that can hide, people burst out laughing when I do and then an ache in my soul reminds me of the lesson I can never forget.