this post was submitted on 13 Jul 2025
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Fair point and completely agree, but I was trying to divorce it a bit from the mythical/greentext framing (sorry if I left it ambiguous!) and referring to the more realistic version of such relationships, namely of the spouse/romantic partner/SO/you name it who plays a dutiful/doting parent for their partner.
In that case, I think outright malicious intent is seldom a direct driver for this type of relationship, usually has to do with either codependence, enforced Old Timey norms, or other such quasi-external/artificial sources. I do agree that the mythology around Succubi is a fine cautionary tale of what the result will be on the doted-upon partner's end, very hard to develop one's complexity when little to nothing is required of them in terms of effort in order to exist (not talking about poverty and such, just about normal everyday life stuff, like washing dishes, taking out the trash, cooking, paying bills, etc.).
And that's what generates the confusion and the need to clarify in me. I understand that the way I've been raised hasn't been necessarily conducive to objective reasoning in terms of interpersonal relationships and I'm trying to figure out if/where there are any lingering points of bias from this perspective within my processing.
Sounds like a tricky question.
I would say that if my partner would basically do everything for me in housework I would feel uncomfortable if I was not also on some level giving back to the relationship. Not that I like traditional roles but I feel in those there was at least the assumption that both work, one at home and one for another boss.
In a scenario where someone really just does everything for you and there is nothing to contribute that would also feel grating and uncomfortable to me. Just hearing about a partner who would cozy you up for a while though sounds chill to me and something that has happened to me and I have enjoyed. Especially if it feels contextually appropriate: you having a rough patch and getting more support from them.
So when I first read it, thinking about my partner and me just chilling and me not having to do much of anything that did sound slightly tempting on some level as a fantasy.
Maybe that helps as a different perspective?
Certainly does, thank you!
We have a lot of points in common from what I see, because I, too, start off feeling uncomfortable in a "hey, that's not exactly fair of me" manner, and evolves into an "ok, I'm starting to feel infantilised/suffocated" coded frustration if it persists after attempting to talk about it and balance things out a bit.
Otherwise, hell yeah! Gimme a lazy weekend on the couch with my SO, we'll binge everything under the sun! I don't mind being an utter slob as long as we both get to be slobs equally! But it's entirely untennable long-term, so I'd much prefer to be allowed to pull my own weight within the relationship, unless objectively incapacitating circumstances apply, as you've mentioned! And would gladly cover for my SO should said circumstances apply on their end (or, to be fair, if I'm in a particularly energised state and know that I can handle more, gotta keep the motivational adrenaline pumping!)
Thank you so much for providing your perspective, clarity is within reach now! Also, deeply appreciate this coming from a former Sloth Demon😉 (got to see your old tag for a spell, had a good laugh:))) )
Edit: nevermind, it was the post title... new app, not used to the layout, also I'm fairly Krispy Kreme right now=))) Sorry :">