Have an aunt who has only ever lived with women. I was always told it was her roommate. Everyone refers to her as a roommate. They BOUGHT THE HOUSE TOGETHER. Have dogs together. Raise the other ones kids together.
When I was like 17, and openly gay, I straight up asked my grandmother if her sister was a lesbian. She said no they're just roommates and got super specific about it. I asked my aunt a couple weeks later when I saw her and she went "Well, yeah. Do I not wear enough flannel?"
Those things are not mutually exclusive. When you lie to yourself, or just avoid looking too closely at something, you can effectively mislead yourself without actually knowing it. Then you do become that oblivious. This is called repression, and it's how I ended up not recognizing my own gender identity for over thirty years.