The Onion

(Gaza) As hunger grows and relief aid is squeezed by IDF restrictions, Israel was dealt a harsh blow by world court today, saying that the word “Holocaust” cannot be trademarked by the jewish people. Israel had claimed protesters and dying Gazans were violating their rights to the term by using it to describe the wholesale slaughter of Palestinians in Gaza.

“This is anti-Semetic,” said rabbi Abraham Kaughman of the Israeli government. “Six million jews died in the true holocaust caused by the Nazis. We can kill everyone, every one of these people, and we’ll hit three million, tops. That’s not the same.”

“If they called it a pogrom, you know the Ukrainians wouldn’t take it.”

The US president also remarked during a golf outing, “you can’t call it champagne if it’s not from that region… none of these Palestinians are dying in Germany.”

Not all voices are against the ruling. Omar Hessah, a Palestinian man in northern Gaza, said: “my children are starving, please send us aid. This does not have to be a holocaust, please.”

But judges agree that while Israel does not need to kill these people, their death can be called a holocaust.