this post was submitted on 16 Jun 2025
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Couples with opposing political views face higher risk of separation (www.mpg.de)
submitted 1 day ago by Pro@programming.dev to c/science@lemmy.world
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[–] gcheliotis@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Several comments on here read like prime examples of “anyone who opposes me is a fascist”. Of course in conservative forums it’s similarly “anyone who opposes me is a lunatic Marxist”. Try having a relationship across aisles in this climate!

The study took 30 years to conclude but I wonder whether the current political climate makes it even more unlikely that people across political divides can form really any kind of relationship. I know I have found it difficult to maintain a relationship with anyone staunchly conservative even if political leaning has never been a main criterion for me in mate selection or in friendships.

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[–] FreakinSteve@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

GOOD

[–] P1k1e@lemmy.world 1 points 1 hour ago

No shit sherlock

[–] daniskarma@lemmy.dbzer0.com -3 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago) (5 children)

I get that people on lemmy are usually very political, and a big chunk of their lives orbit around politics.

But for most people that's not the case.

I think that's why I see so many comments of people shocked that someone would date other person who would vote for a different political party.

If politics is not a priority on your life it won't really have much an impact on their relationship.

Talking from experience, I've dated people that have voted both the right and the extreme right. And it really didn't burdened our relationship. You must understand that our conversations usually never pivot about politics, and when we talk about politics we don't get passionate about it it's just more like "you think that? Cool I think this other thing. So... what are eating today?"

I suppose in long term when you are all your life with a person overtime there can be frictions, specially if one or both become more passionate about politics.

[–] aaron@infosec.pub 2 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

And how would most people on here characterise your political position?

[–] daniskarma@lemmy.dbzer0.com 0 points 6 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago) (1 children)

You tell me. I can tell how I characterize myself.

I used to vote between the far left party and the moderate left party. And for the next election my plan is not vote because they disappointed me big time.

Giving more examples I have this friend, she votes for the alt-right party here (vox). But I get along with here very well. One instance of discrepancy is that while she is not homophobic (she knows I'm bi and she never said to me anything bad because of it) she is on the opinion that "gay people" is more promiscuous. Like she has some of these prejudices but she is not ill meaned, she is also Christian. But I don't think she is a bad person, and it's not like she is talking all the time about that or about politics in general. Most of the time when she talked about politics she just said that she was going to vote the alt-right because our current president is a thief. Which giving the current events in my country she might be right on that (big corruption scandal just blew up). But what I mean, is that she has some different opinions and when casting the ballot she votes for this radical party. But our relationship hasn't been hindered because of that, and she is not even a bad person, she just don't like the socialist party. And overall we don't really talk that much about politics, it's not a central theme for either of us, but even when we talk about it we have never argue, just talk differences calmly and with respect, we never insulted each other because politics.

[–] webadict@lemmy.world 1 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

it's not a central theme for either of us, but even when we talk about it we have never argue, just talk differences calmly and with respect, we never insulted each other because politics.

This is a privilege you have that others do not.

If, for whatever reason, you were under the threat of violence every day, do you think you could be calm and rational? If that threatened violence against you hanging over your head was perpetuated by members of a political party, would you be calm and rational about that party? If this was because of something you couldn't change about yourself, like being queer or black or a woman, would you be calm and rational? Do you think everyone could? Do you think a child could?

I know I couldn't. I see these people breakdown over and over again. For something they did not choose. Sometimes for not being calm or rational.

It is silly to expect people to act calm and rational in the face of overwhelming prejudice, in the face of threats to your self, family, and friends, in the face of adversity--or worse, ennui--to your situation.

Let me steal an argument from a video I saw. Pretend you are having a party, and someone comes up to you and says that your friend Amanda should be kicked out of the party, that she doesn't deserve to be here, that she is drinking too much of your beer, and that if she goes, everyone can have more beer. You like Amanda because she is your friend and you know she is kind and funny. Let's say you calmly and rationally debate this guy, but he adamantly repeats these things, over and over again. Do you think Amanda feels good at this party? Should you keep debating this loser? Or would you kick him out of the party, by force if necessary, because Amanda did nothing wrong? Now imagine this person says this about ALL Amandas. Do you think this changes the situation? What if someone else told you that this guy just really hates Amandas but he's cool otherwise, even though he really harps on how Amandas are ruining this party. Do you think Amanda likes that second guy? Should Amanda be calm and rational to either of those two people?

[–] daniskarma@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

Don't play the privilege card on my.

I'm LGBT and not only the "already accepted" letters, some of the not as widely accepted too. I can still be calm even knowing that the party I'm talking about will put me in danger. This other person doesn't want to put me in danger and she doesn't think voting for that party would put me in danger. We disagree in that and I respect her thoughts. I don't feel like cutting social connection over making assumptions that are not necessarily true.

As I said. I'm a very calm person, and in later years politics have been pivoting away from my thoughts, and I don't get as heated about them as I used to.

And, as I also said, I can be mistaken too. I do think this party will put me in danger. Imagine I cut ties with this person and that they get power (they will in two years top anyway giving current situation). And they truly do nothing that put me in danger. With which face could I look myself in the mirror after that? I prefer to be careful. I think they are dangerous, I will not vote for them. But I won't start bashing people that vote them for reasons that so not directly imply hurting me.

For instance this person doesn't even vote them for anything LGBT related. She vote for them mostly out of spite for the current socialist party (which I can see more clear that in some aspect she was right, they were stealing from us).

So giving this situation I really don't think I could hate this person. And I think many would be in similar positions.

[–] webadict@lemmy.world 1 points 1 hour ago (1 children)

Don't play the privilege card on my.

I absolutely will. Because you are ignoring yours. Being a part of a disadvantaged group doesn't mean you don't have privilege elsewhere. In fact, sometimes, that is the reason why you might ignore your privilege.

You are able to be calm with your friend because you do not see there is a danger. People like your friend haven't hurt you. But would everyone else do the same? Your friend supports people that will hurt people like you, but do they think they can stop those people from hurting you?

I would rather lose a friend who didn't want me hurt but supported people who would hurt me because that is not a logical view, no matter how calmly it is spoken.

[–] daniskarma@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 1 hour ago* (last edited 1 hour ago) (1 children)

Once again, do not play the privilege card. Not on me, not on anyone. It's not a convincing argument, and it has not a real base. And it's somehow discriminatory towards particular groups that you do not consider "unprivileged enough".

As I say, I do think there is dangers with the party I consider fascist reach power. But my thoughts are irrelevant, I do mot judge people for my thoughts, I judge people for their thoughts. She doesn't think that, that's all that matter. And once again, it is very important that I do not think I have the absolute indiscutible truth in my power. I think that party is fascist and will hurt me. But I could be wrong. I like to act with measure. What happens if she ends up being right and in 2 years that party goes into power and do not do anything to hurt me? And I have to live my life knowing I cut a good relationship because something I was wrong about. Maybe some people can live with that, maybe some people can convince themselves that they are never wrong. I cannot. I won't vote to that party because what I think they may do, that's proportionate. I won't talk to a person that hate me because what I am, because there's no room for mistake there . But I don't think is adequa to cut a relationship because I think myself better knowing that the other person.

In this instance for instance 6 years ago I said her that I would vote socialist, she said to me that they will steal from me, I said they won't. Last week police report, big corruption case in the socialist party. I was wrong her was Right. And she didn't cut our relationship back then, and she is not cutting it right now. Why should I? We all are humans we all could be wrong, she could be right and vox may not discriminate against LGBT or she may be wrong and they will do it. The important thing to me is that she, her self, will not discriminate against LGBT (not too much at least, as I said she has some prejudices, she is conservative after all, it's not like she is super progressive and it's been voting to the alt-right by mistake, but they don't bother me that much, once again I'm very open minded, and their beliefs while conservative are more on the line of moderate conservative, a center right kind of thing).

You do you. I'm just explaining why many people, myself included, do not cut people out because their general political beliefs or the party they vote for. If you feel better doing it, be my guess, that's your decision.

[–] webadict@lemmy.world 1 points 6 minutes ago

Once again, do not play the privilege card. Not on me, not on anyone. It's not a convincing argument, and it has not a real base. And it's somehow discriminatory towards particular groups that you do not consider "unprivileged enough".

That is a really weird and illogical argument.

What happens if she ends up being right and in 2 years that party goes into power and do not do anything to hurt me? And I have to live my life knowing I cut a good relationship because something I was wrong about.

That is a really weird and illogical hypothetical. Best answered with, "But what if they kill you instead?". We ALL have a line in the sand where if someone supports a thing, they cannot be our friend anymore. Like, if my friend started saying Nazi things, but was a "good guy" otherwise, they wouldn't be a good guy at all. I would give them a chance to not be a Nazi, and then we would either not be friends or they wouldn't be a Nazi. Everyone has that, regardless of what you say or think, and it is disgustingly easy to prove. I can prove it, if you'd like, but I feel like you have already lost this argument by ignoring the Amanda party.

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