cinnamon

Thank you so much <3

Yes, in the end I'm thinking: It's better to be apart than to keep making each other miserable. I want my wife to be happy and if she can't be happy with me then I truly want her to be happy with someone else.

All the best and much love to you <3

The issue is that I'm bad at "the mental load". Keeping things in mind, being aware of stuff that needs to be taken care of and taking care of it before it's too late.

For example, I do the dishes, I vacuum, take out the trash, no problem. But when there's mold starting to grow between the tiles in the bathroom I probably won't notice it for a long time and, once I do notice it, ignore it :P

Or, it took me over a year to finally get rid of our broken washing machine. My wife has asked me to take care of it and I said I would but then months passed and nothing happened.

Our problems actually did start during Covid but I don't think the pandemic / the lockdown had anything to do with it. But that was when we moved to a new apartment for the second time and my wife started to realize that she was the one taking care of everything.

We definitely also grew apart. I have been really bad at keeping the relationship alive. Like, in the 10 years we've been together, I've been able to maybe arrange a handful of date nights. I never initiate doing anything fun, like a surprise weekend trip or a special date night, because I'm so bad at planning and arranging things.

I think that at the beginning my wife ignored some of the ADHD red flags that were definitely already there because we were so in love. When we moved to a different city two years into our relationship she took care of everything but it wasn't an issue then. Eventually she realized that she was taking care of everything all the time.

Yes, we've talked about this many times. She knows I've been trying but she needs be to become more responsible, reliable and "more of an adult" than I seem able to. And she blames me, rightfully so, for wasting a whole year doing nothing.