this post was submitted on 30 Oct 2025
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I dated a vegan for several years. Am a meat eater. There were no issues. The stuff she cooked was delicious, and the stuff I cooked she ate around if she had to. We respected our differences and it made us stronger
I'm inclined to be skeptical of there being no issues on her end. vegans have to tolerate a lot that we would prefer not to, but that doesn't mean we like it.
Not all vegans are the same. I can only make choices for myself. My children have to come to their own conclusions as well.
I’m vegetarian. My partner is not. We mostly buy and eat vegetarian, but occasionally they’d like some real chicken or beef. I’ll even cook it for them, no problem. I just don’t eat it. It’s really easy to be in this type of relationship actually.
This anecdote is irrelevant to the topic because you're talking about merely cooking with different dietary preferences. Veganism is about respecting the lives, dignity, and autonomy of all animals, and therefore seeking to minimize harm done through personal actions and economic consumption. The only relation between the two topics is superficial. Carnism is absolutely a strain on relationships for vegans, and many would not consider partnering with people who gleefully consume the corpses of its victims.
You would put animals on her plate and have her eat around it ?
By "eat around it" I mostly meant she let me cook what I wanted when it was my turn, and if I had time I'd make a second serving with meat substituted for something else (mushroom, artichoke, etc.). If I didn't have time, I'd keep the base and the layering separate and offer her the base to flavour however she wanted.
When we visited my parents, she'd just pick out the meat chunks and actually eat around it no problem
NGL, if I was vegan and went to visit my inlaws and they made me pick out the meat chunks, that's pretty shit hospitality.
Her parents cook twice when we visited them, but the extra work was shared between both her parents so it was fine.
My mother's the only one that cooks. Her cuisine is very traditional. My ex understood this
You needn't justify, people will get triggered at nothing. Your partner seems great, app the best.
catching strays out here, my dude. sounds like a really positive take on something people find divisive.
cooking for others is so special - I'm glad your family shares that. my parents don't cook, and certainly never took an interest in meeting most of the people I dated. but now my partner and I cook for them. they don't like everything we make, and pick around the stuff they don't want. everyone's happy, so it all works out.
it's also important to be a good guest. a host isn't a servant. they didn't make anyone do anything; they offered food and shared their home, and that's pretty cool.
also, doesn't sound like in-laws. "dated" implies casuality, and also past tense.
No, fuck that. A host isn't a servant, fine. But if they knew the person and still made only food, they had to pick shit out, they are just bad hosts.
I'm wondering if they even told them they were vegan. Its not hard to cook meat separately and let people mix it back into the veggies and whatever else.
You're very much presenting a doomed if you do, doomed if you don't scenario. As a picky eater (non vegan) I've found that if you're unwilling to eat something a host made they get upset. They may never directly say it, but there's always some negativity. Bringing your own food is considered disrespectful, for better or worse. The "rules" of politeness and manners in these types of situations sadly don't follow much logic.
So, if a host knows there is a vegan and prepares a dish with meat in it, what can the vegan do? Separating it out doesn't seem good, there's still probably meat juices and things they don't want mixed in. Bringing their own food will seem rude and disrespectful to many hosts. Refusing to eat will likely be viewed as them being overdramatic by the hosts.
So while it's true that the host has no true obligation to prepare something separate, they're still knowingly putting the vegan guest into a catch 22 scenario. The host isn't under obligation to provide food at all but they are and they're knowingly choosing something that a guest can't pick due to dietary restrictions.
I'm basing this on the types of gatherings and families I grew up around in the American southeast. It's not universal, of course. Even here it isn't. But I also believe the types of hosts who would be tolerant of you not eating or bringing your own food are also the ones who would be polite enough to separate the meat before and cook them separately or they'd make something the vegan guest can eat just in general.
There’s no obligation other than being a decent person. Even my GB News loving in-laws prepare everything vegan when we’re over. They’ll usually have an extra pan of chicken/prawn/etc to add to theirs but the base of things is usually close to vegan anyway or can be made be so just laziness not to do so. If someone offered me their food with animal bits to pick out I’d tell them to ram it and phone a takeaway.
I gotta say, she may have just been nice about it.
Had that relationship gone on a long time, this probably would have been an issue. She cooked delicious things for you, where you could relax and enjoy, but then she has to do additional work to be able to eat when you cook. Seems like you got the better end of that deal, and weren't accounting for her needs.
While we both eat meat, my partner doesn't prefer it, so we've switched to mostly vegetation, including my cooking. Sometimes i make meat dishes, but it's mostly reserved for when we go out. I've learned to adapt because the last thing she needs is more work to do when it's not her turn. This is how almost every veg-meat relationship that has lasted that I know of went.
Not saying this to be pointed, perhaps your situation really was unique, but I'd take some time for self reflection on what her perspective might have actually been.
Why are there so many people in this thread telling this guy what his vegan gf actually thought
Stop projecting. You don't always need to be right. It's ok for other people to have different experiences from you.
Because so many people live through it bothering them, and are nice about it, just like in the comment. Spreading awareness of that is why.
Sure, yeah, that's all well and good, but like, the dude has said multiple times that things worked for him and his partner, and there's still half a dozen people in the thread assuming the worst and telling him all the ways he should have lived his life. It feels like some sort of moral superiority contest, and it's gross.
Yikes poor girl.
That way they get her leftovers. Modern solutions!
Probably not this route lol but I'm picturing a plate of roasted potatoes, a garden salad, a bean salad, surrounding a chicken leg that's going untouched.
"she ate around it" . Sounds frustrating. You must be packing...
And before people downvote, I didn't mean violence. Wrong packing. Turn off your tv. Take a deep breath and dip your head in the gutters a little bit
I didn't assume violence, but I was thinking "there could be numerous other reasons besides a good dicking to stay with someone even if you don't share ideologies".
True. But that reason was humorous. Nothing wrong with a little funny haha.
The terrible secret about cooking with meat is that the flavors of the meat get into everything else on the plate.
So you eat around the steak, but you still get the intense savory flavor in the carrots and the spinach and the rice and the beans.
And then the dog learns to do increasingly adorable tricks for leftovers.
One of the most delicious food I've ever eaten was this meat stew my grandfather made with oxtail and tongue.
The meat was some of the most horrible stuff I've ever put in my mouth, but the vegetables and the stock was absolutely heavenly.
lmao, never heard it in that context before
But was preparing meat like...your profession?
And at the end… the crisis was not dietary? Or did it contribute?